The effect of change

Things have changed a lot over the past couple of months. I know I say that all the time but get ready to read a completely philosophical and most personal blogpost till date. I'm kind of glad that I didn't distribute my blog to a lot of people; only a handful of individuals that I am really, really close with. That makes it all the more easier to vent out feelings in words that are hard to express otherwise.

So please, I would respect that if you happen to stumble upon this post/blog by a misfortunate turn of clicks, keep it to yourself. Thank you.

I actually planned to post something in December but I don't really know what happened, just like all the other drafts that I have created.

I will probably ramble on topics that I have no idea about. I feel like doing this cause in two years, when I finish school and about to depart to Uni, I can read all this and smile/laugh at my misfortunes just like I am now with the posts before I moved to Dubai. Hopefully I will feel different later on. This is about to get pretty sad then probably, if I can I'll finish it on a happy note.

You can learn a lot of things in 6/7 months. People will come, people will go. Some people will change how they perceive you and some will just slowly fade away. It's hard to notice the changes as you're in it, but one day you look back and you think to yourself, "damn I used to talk to this person everyday, what happened?". It happens and the worst is to try and rekindle your relationship back to its original form.

Some people just come out of nowhere. You become close in times when you least expect it and it changes you. It makes you feel a whole lot better, confident and assured that if something goes wrong down the line, there is someone to hold your back. But things change, people change. But the question you always are stuck on is: is it for the better or worse? Better. Always. As hard as it is to fathom.

Things will always come round to being better, no matter how bad or shit the situation is right now. I mean, it should right? (or whatever I've been telling myself the past couple weeks is worthless). I believe that all the problems and mishaps we face currently do not affect us in the future; it is close to nil. I can tell you cause I don't remember the things I felt shit about 2 years ago. And two years from now, I will only remember if I read this blog again. But I do agree, it is a shit situation to be in currently.

I don't even know why I'm blogging right now. I have 22 exams in a month and I've barely read over half the exams. Yet I feel that I update it sooner before I do forget. Which I probably will.

Anyway, to look on the bright side, I got a prom date! And she's pretty. So I need to go hunt for a proper suit.

I actually feel like blogging more often so I will probably try and update it a couple times, for myself. I don't think anyone keeps up with my blog. So it's just for literally a handful of people.

And let's keep it that way.

P.S. So during the summer I talked to a really cool and genuinely interesting person that also has a blog. Please check it out here. I hope she doesn't kill me if she finds out. Her writing is over ten folds better than mine and much, much more insightful. If you've come this far, maybe you redeem a free eye bleach for the horrible grammar in my post and head over to hers.  

Canadaa.

This summer, I had a blast. Like literally a blast. It was the best summer so far. Went to Canada to stay with my cousin sisters that I haven't seen in half my life and I actually miss Canada. I met some awesome people there and came back with an equally amazing experience.

My cousins were amazing (psst. I have a feeling you're reading this Srinz). We did fun things - go to the library, go to Tim Hortons, ride a bike around the neighbourhood, see gangs in the dark and just pedal faster and many more. All those might not sound very satisfying, but over the course of the summer I learnt some things that I might probably keep for life. They were mainly based on quotes that I found on my cousin's Pinterest when I was mocking them. 

It's not about the places you go, but the company you keep.

Yes. That's pretty simple to comprehend. It isn't like something foreign that you cannot understand. But when I was there, it hit me hard. From just walking around the neighbourhood to sitting in the back of a car for 8 hours, it just isn't fun doing it alone. The right people make it the best, ever. From the backseat selfies to the 'where in the world are we' moments, it was just amazing to be with people who can make the best out of the worst; make lemonade out of lemons. I mean, who would've expect sitting on the porch at night to be enjoyable regardless of the countless mosquitos bites I endured. You know as they say - "I would rather be in the dark with someone than be in the light alone." Or don't they actually say that? Well go figure.

There is no time like the present

This might seem obvious, but I feel like it is understated. There have been many times that I had to pester my cousin to actually take me to 'le centre-ville' and everytime I did I had an amazing time. From eating authentic street food to getting lost in Chinatown, it was simply an experience as a whole. When I first landed, I felt like I had all the time in the world. Looking back, I didn't - but whatever time I had I'm happy I spent it with them.

Check everything more than once before you bounce

I'm really bad at rhyming - I made that up. I felt like this story had to be mentioned cause I learnt this in the course of 24 hours, not 2 months. It is something that stands out when I look back at my summer. It all started with my parents coming after me staying there for a month and a half. We planned to go to Chicago by car and left the house as early as seven. It was almost a 3 hour drive to the border and an hour wait time to reach the immigration offices. We had our passports ready to be stamped and they asked us to go into the office to get it stamped (I didn't need it cause I went to New York prior to my parents arrival.)  The officer scanned mine, finished mine. Scanned my dad's, finished his. Scanned my mom, stopped. He started flicking through the pages. She had a thick passport and he took a couple of minutes flicking through it. He gave up and gave it to us to find the visa for America on my mom's passport. We flicked over the passport. Once. Twice. Thrice. Once more than thrice. We couldn't find it. We couldn't find her visa. Then it struck her. She had her visa in her old passport. The passport which she left back home - in Dubai. So basically we tried to smuggle in an illegal immigrant into the US. That's a crime. They asked us to go into this room. An enclosed room with cameras and locks - just like the movies. We didn't have a phone, no nothing. We were in the room for three hours. It was probably the longest three hours in my life. There were other people in the room as well. One guy who was held up because he had some charges in 1984. That's almost twice as old as me. Anyway they gave my mom's passport back and told us to head back into Canada. Our trip was cancelled. We had a very quiet ride back. But atleast my mom came back with a slip saying "Refusal of Immigration to the United States of America."

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

That is something I learnt after a week of coming back. It was surreal to be back in my actual home compared to my temporary residence in Toronto. It was so different there. I miss their overused and lame jokes, their mediocre insults, stupid sense of humour and the awful bragging after I lost ONCE against them in table tennis. It was those little things that pulled a long way and made a huge difference. And I'm happy I went to Canada. Thanks Srinz and Reman for that 'awesome' prank call and the bullshit you told me after. Thanks Svetha for those amazing bracelets  and those unforgettable times we played ping pong in the basement and (even though I was the clear winner) I let you win. I also cannot forget those times we sat and watched those make up tutorials on your YouTube Channel. If you're reading this again, it was me who subscribed you to those weird South Indian singers channels (especially Vennu Mahesh - don't unsubscribe). I still miss you're stupid jokes and now, I don't know if you know it or not, but I'm addicted to saying 'maaan' after everything. Best sister I've had (better than Srinz). It was an amazing summer. It really was. 

The final text.

I don’t understand. I don’t know what to do. It hurts to think about it. But something must have happened last night. Something that I never expected. And I still don’t know if she’s alright or not. I’m scared. I’m frightened. Help me. It was surreal. It was like watching a horror movie. A real horror movie. A scary one. The kind of movies where your heart actually skips a beat when something unexpected happens. However in the end they aren’t real. This felt real. I am still trying to recall what happened. I took my phone out, went to my messages.  Yes, I didn’t delete them. I scrolled to the top. And this is what happened.

12:51am

“hey xx” 

“Hey! How was your day? You’re still awake?”

“yeh I have so much homework xx my day was good hw was yrs?x”

12:53am

“Yeah mine was good lol. What you doing? Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Haha I have been busy with cheerleading lol xx I’m home alone with my dog x”

“Oh so where have your parents gone?”

12:59am

“oh, they went to see my mom’s parents in the other side of the state xx in my room doing my work they keep calling lol. Xx”

“Yeah that’s nice whenever my parents go out I’m stuck with my brother and hes just a kid so I have to take care of him. So annoying lol”

1:07am

”oh haha my younger sister thankfully went with them so I dont have to take care of her lol xx she can be annoying at times too lol. xx”

1:14am

“Haha irk so what you doing now? Still homework??”

1:19am

“haha yeah :( x it sucks I hate algebra xx”

“my street looks shady lol x I looked outside my window and it looks like this shadow of a guy looking at me from across the street xx”

1:22am

“Oh it might just be a you or a shadow of a tree lol. Happens to me every time”

“yeah nvm its gone must have just been me xx”

“no wait he is now on my side!!! x”

“Yeah see told you it was just you”

“he is walking towards my house!!”

1:23am

“What you sure did he see you?”

“he stopped right outside my house! what do i do?x im so scared”

“He must be a passerby don’t worry just continue with your homework trust me. :)”

“yeah ok I’m stressing too much lol thanks xx”

1:24am

“:)”

1:29am

“hes still satnding there!!! I’m so scared what should i do??xxx”

“Hey don’t worry just sleep nothing is going to happen thats the best thing to do.”

1:30am

“ur probably right good night xx ;)”

“Night :)”

1:58am

“the dog is barking loudly!!!x its so dark i cant see anything im so scared what should i do??? i think hes in the house!!!xx”

1:59am

“please reply quickly help me im so scared”

“i dont want to turn the light or he might see me”

2:01am

“I just heard something like a glass break from down!!! im so scared to go down and check please reply xx”

“the dog stopped barking!! help me!! x”

2:03am

“Oh shit hey my phone wasn’t next to me! Are you okay where are you? I’m calling the police”

“im hiding in my closet trying to be as quiet as possible and please call the police i cant make noise xx”

“Yeah just told them they will be there everything’s going to be fine!!”

2:05am

“Hey you okay?”

2:09am

“Is he gone yet?”

2:17am

“are you there?”

2:34am

“Yes. I’m fine. He’s gone.”

2:36am

“Are you okay? is everything alright?”

2:39am

“Yes, I’m fine. It was nothing. Listen, can I meet you tomorrow at the Burger King at noon?”

2:42am

“Yeah sure, I’ll meet you there.”

2:46am

“But wait how do I know you’re her and not…. the guy?”

Last month tops

This past month has had it's several ups and downs. It consisted of treks, exams, wishes, injuries, studio recording and many more. Yes, you heard me right - I was on TV

The last month, I went on a trek with my school friends. It was part of the Duke of Edinburgh program. It was hectic and treacherous because of the steep inclination of the path and the sultry environment we were going in. It was a two day and one night trek which started on Friday morning and ended the following day night. I had to walk with a group of people who you could say proved that we were the best team throughout the trek. It had 9 people including me and we were supposed to get to the camp by ourselves with only a GPS and a map, albeit there were people in each checkpoint who kinda helped us and the path mostly consisted of roads and paths which have previously been treaded on, which didn't make it difficult to get lost. Similarly to the practice trek, which I blogged about a while ago, the instructor overall, WAS HOT. She was so goddamn hot, and she was pretty chilled out. She laughed when we did pick-up lines on her. I also did the Three bees in a jar joke to which she laughed and walked away. It was similar to the practice trek, but instead of camels we saw goats, goats which were blaring in the middle of the night which wasn't pleasant. A lot more things happened at night which I don't feel keen on going into much details but it was a lot of fun with the campfire and BBQing.

Well yeah, this is the part you wanted, I guess. Yes. I was on goddamn TV. As in television show. It was an amazing experience. Well to begin with, it was called Star Quiz Challenge and it is hosted by Star Plus. I heard thats a big TV channel in India. Anyway, I met this guy called Rahul Bose, who was the host of the show. In hindsight, he was a bit of a douche. He might look attractive and all, but he is, at the end of the day, sort of a douche. Anyway, I found a youtube link where I am there, and if you are really interested at watching us come second and look at my sexy hairstyle, please feel free to search for it. It really isn't that hard but there are several episodes. Good luck in finding.

Happy New Year.

So I guess this is my first post since New Year, so Happy New Year!!

This is interesting how I try to keep up resolutions which I know I won't have the willpower or the time to accomplish. For 3 years, my resolution was to write a diary, which I have failed subsequently. Additionally, despite my unwilling personality and lethargic body, this year I've not only had one albeit two resolutions: diary and to get a really nice body by the end of the year. I presume the latter would be accomplished prior to the former.

I have also been reading and engrossing myself of my past posts and have come to the conclusion that my exquisite and extensive range of vocabulary has depreciated and run down. It is probably influenced by the lack or reading or writing and the amount of useless movies I watch. I should really ameliorate my range of words.

So school's been good; I had to create my own blog for Computing. It is relatively not that great but check it out here. This is a bit weird and run down. I don't even update it like I'm supposed to.

As I was looking at my past posts, I've come to realize that all my posts recently start along the lines of - "It's been a long time since I've blogged" and "I should blog more". So I think I should add another resolution:

to blog more.

He was drunker than usual.

Yeah, I should really update my obsolete blog. I've had it for quite a while and haven't posted anything. It has been a hard year this 2013; many changes, new people coming in, many friendly ties loosening (not literally) and many more.

So I was going through this internet blog and came across this story. I didn't write it. It was a prompt from a person to write a story where the wife kills the husband and make the readers sympathize for both. I think this has just hit me hard.

Damn them Ninja Onions.

He was drunker than usual. Ordinarily, she would feel relief when he collapsed onto the couch by the TV. That meant he was too drunk to yell and fight. Tonight, she felt no relief. All she could do was watch him from the doorway, hoping he would drink the poisoned whiskey she had just poured him.
A lump sat in her throat as she watched his fat belly rise and fall with his labored breath. In his hand, he held the last drink she would ever pour for him. He sat there for a few minutes in silence without even looking at the glass of whiskey he clutched in his fat fingers. Then, without warning, he downed the entire glass in one movement.
He let the glass hit the ground and sighed. He would go to sleep soon. It wouldn’t be painful. Nowhere near as painful as the last twenty-three years had been for her. She wanted him to leave the world peacefully. She still loved him, after all. Still, she felt he deserved an explanation. At the very least, he deserved a good-bye.
She walked around to the front of the couch. He rolled his half-opened eyes in her direction and the two stared at each other in silence.
“There was more than whiskey in your drink,” she said, her voice shaking. “I’m sorry.”
“Your black eye is healing,” he said quietly. “You know I’m sorry about hurting you. Don’t you?”
She nodded.
“You were very beautiful once. I can still see it sometimes. When you smile. You don’t smile much these days. But when you do, your eyes flash like they did when we were teenagers. It reminds me of how young and beautiful we were. Young, beautiful, and carefree.”
“Your drink,” she said with tears forming in her eyes. “You’re dying. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“I know,” he whispered and slowly nodded. “I saw you pour it.”
She put her hands over her mouth and tried not to cry.
“Do you remember that field trip we took during our second year of high school?” he asked.
She shook her head.
“We spent the whole day together,” he said as his voice became fainter. “It was the first time I really met you. There were fifty or sixty of us there but I only cared about you. On the bus ride home, we sat next to each other. Do you remember now?”
She nodded.
“Everybody on the bus slept. They were so tired. But not us. We couldn’t stop talking to each other. We had so much to say back then. When you started to drift off to sleep, I was sad. But then you said something to me. Do you remember what it was?”
“I-” she paused to steady her voice. “I’m going to lean on you, ok?”
“Yeah,” he said as a smile slowly spread across his face. “And you fell asleep on my shoulder. I couldn’t sleep the whole bus ride because I was so happy that we were having that moment. And I know you didn’t sleep either. The bus bounced too much. And back then my arms were muscular. You just wanted to be close to me. I’m sorry I was such a lousy pillow. And I’m sorry I was an even lousier husband.”
She wanted to say something but could not.
His voice slowed even further. He spoke as if he was in a dream. “I still love you as much as I did on that bus ride. I just got worse at showing it. I’m sorry.”
She did not reply. She just stood and tried to compose herself. After a moment, she walked over and sat next to him on the couch.
“I’m going to lean on you, ok?” she whispered.
“Ok,” he replied as she rested her head against his arm.
The two sat in silence until his breathing stopped at last.

Camping in the Desert

So yeah, I could start again by saying "It has been a while since I've posted", but I'm making that too... redundant. So yeah, I went camping with my school about two weeks ago. It was in the midst of a desert, the sun boiling our heads like eggs. Basically, it was hot - burning hot. We started by going on a bus. I had a heavy rucksack and two massive water bottles. It was a 2day, 1 night hike and, to say the least, I enjoyed every second of it. It was painful, exasperating, fatiguing, prolonged albeit extremely fun. It created a divide between the physically fit and unfit people, and I could gladly say that I was the former. It was enjoyable, especially at night, when some of my friends brought a barbecue into the camp and we roasted chickens in the middle of the desert.


So day 1 started off monotonously. We arrived at our starting point by bus. One really hilarious thing which occurred was when one really hot and fit instructor (it was female, for anyone doubting my evident sexuality) was introducing herself, we were all quiet and stood as a group and listened to her. And then, once she finished her introduction this white kid broke the silence by blurting out "dibs". The laughter which followed it was unforgettable. Following that we prepared ourselves by filling our water bottles and flushed out our bodily fluids into bushes. Unaware of the treacherous trail which were to follow, the nerve-wrecking journey we were about to be associated with, we embarked on a mission we thought would be simple and quick. We had never been so wrong. It was easy, to say the least. I could say we were tired in 10 minutes on our 3 hour trek. It was a walking group of 13, and it was arguably the finest group ever. There was a mixture of humour and seriousness. We trekked for a while with a GPS in our hands, navigating through the hoards of camels and their wild poops. We walked a lot: up and down dunes, near some dangerous dune-bikers, etc,. It wasn't as easy as we thought, especially when sand gets into our trainers and makes our toes numb. Our instructor, Matt (unfortunately we didn't get that fit one), was interesting and explained to us the rule of 3. You can survive: 3 minutes without air, 3 days without water and 3 weeks without food. He also told how to find if a berry is poisonous. First rub it on your skin and leave it for 12 hours; if there's a rash don't consume, if there isn't then rub it on your lips and leave it for 12 hours. If there isn't a rash again, you are free to consume. 



We finally reached the campsite. We though it was going to be exquisite and a nice cosy environment after a long trek - nope. It was a regular campsite. It was as barren as Shashank's intelligence. They showed us our toilets. There were no toilets; we had to shit on the rocks behind this small thing. It was awful. I'm so glad I didn't need to take a dump. We set up our tent and I had this splitting headache. I took some Panadol and we waited for the sun to set. We set up a campfire and talked for a while. We set up a barbecue and roasted chicken. It was good, considering that it was in a desert and there were some serious fluctuations in the wind. We talked for a while and had a sexy time. I slept of early since I was fatigued. I was probably the first to dose off probably because half the people in the camp told me they saw me sleeping the following morning. 

The following morning arrived and I was the first to wake up. I just sat outside and brushed off all the sand of my bag. I brushed my teeth with my FINGER and ate SANDWICH. We packed out tent and we were of. It wasn't as hard compared to the other group, although we were using maps and bearings. It was easier and more enjoyable. On the way we had some camels follow us. One of the camels started licking my bag, which was weird. We marched quite a distance and finally we caught a glimpse of the bus. We ran for the bus - freedom! It was so tiring and we finally were on our way home.